A Day of Thanks

Close your eyes,

take a deep breath.

Today is Thanksgiving,

a day of thanks.

You are thankful for many things,

like people from high school

who forgot to make their Facebook private,

for Pinterest,

and iced coffee.

Today you are making green bean casserole,

you are not thankful for that.

You did not ask to make it,

your sister volunteered you to make it.

Today you will dine with family.

They will ask you

if you are married yet,

if you have a boyfriend,

if you are gay,

if you still write your whole life on the internet

(your blog).

No matter what you answer,

they will silently judge you

with mouths full of mashed potatoes.

You wear your new sweater dress

and boots.

Your mom opens the door

and greets you with a hug

and a million questions.

She likes your sweater,

or is it a dress she asks.

She wants to order one just like it.

Your dad asks why you are wearing boots.

Did it snow since he went out to get the paper at 6am?

The Farmer’s Almanac predicts a cold winter

with record amounts of snow.

Roads will be impassible he says.

But today the roads were passable,

And you are here surrounded by family.

You are thankful.

Today you will eat your weight in stuffing,

take home leftovers

and eat them for breakfast

alone.

Your uncle and grandpa are discussing the election,

loudly,

angrily,

you leave the room.

You find solace in the kitchen until

your sister asks to borrow money

like she does every year.

You leave the room.

Your brother in law sliced off his finger tip

while carving the turkey.

Your sister shouts that if you had carved the turkey,

he would still have his thumb.

They leave to go to the hospital.

You are thankful

until Aunt Ida taps you on the shoulder

and asks if you have any Vicodin.

Your mom introduces you to the boy she works with,

he is single,

new in town,

and drives a sports car she says.

He is wearing a tight sweater,

sweatpants

and a blue tooth earpiece.

You excuse yourself

 to get a glass of wine

or two

even though your mom says it ages you.

You find a hair in your stuffing,

it is not yours.

There are egg shells in the pumpkin pie.

No one has touched your casserole

that you made with organic green beans.

Twenty dollars down the drain.

You miss your cat.

she does not stress you out

or judge you.

You try to hide behind a plant,

your brother’s ex- girlfriend finds you.

Why is she there?

She wants to sell you a diet shake,

says she lost 5 pounds in 5 minutes.

That is why she is there.

You offer to hold your newborn niece,

She burps all over your new sweater dress

you just got from Land’s End.

It is only 6:30.

Grandma is napping so you can take her

Black Friday shopping.

She has a cane,

an oxygen tank

and a scooter in her trunk.

She wants pantyhose from Sears.

At least no one will be lined up

in front of Sears.

the Wal Mart of the mall.

She has a coupon,

that has expired

and will probably pay with a check.

Your mom wants to come shopping  now,

she wants a new sweater,

or is it a dress?

Uncle Leon offers to drop you all off in front of Sears,

but you will need a ride home.

Ugly sweater dude volunteers

but you say grandma’s scooter won’t fit in his trunk.

Phew.

Your mom tells you to sit,

she will refill your plate

and then you can have a nap.

Turkey has something in it

that makes you sleepy she says.

Tryptophan.

That is it,

7^th Grade Science.

Thankfully, you are not an

awkward teen

 in 7^th Grade anymore.

Did you just find something else to be thankful for?

You look around the room.

You see mom wrapping up leftovers,

dad snoring in the recliner,

your brother is making out with his ex,

your sister is texting someone,

angrily

and you realized,

you do kind of love them

and you are thankful

and next year

you are booking a cruise

for the last week of November.

A Season of Change

Close your eyes,

breathe.

It feels like fall outside.

The air is crisp,

the leaves are falling,

it smells like a fireplace.

Today you will visit a farm,

an apple and pumpkin farm.

You will be one with nature

and greet the new season of change

with an apple picking adventure.

You drive down a dusty gravelly road

and regret washing your car yesterday.

You are wearing your new cashmere sweater

from Goodwill

and a large scarf you learned how to tie

thanks to a YouTube tutorial.

You look like one of those well put together girls

on Pinterest.

You enter the gates of the farm

and step out of the car

in your city girl meets farm outfit.

A sea of orange pumpkins greet you

and trees with a bounty of apples

waiting to be picked.

The air smells like cider.

You will get some cider later

to celebrate your hard apple picking work.

You will bring the apples home in cute bags

and they will make your kitchen look like fall.

You think of all the things you will make with your apples,

apple pie,

apple crisp,

brown apple betty,

whatever that is.

You grab a bag and head to the orchard.

There are a lot of apples on the ground.

You feel bad for them.

Would anyone feel bad if you were on the ground?

You don’t step on the smashed apples

or you will slip

and fall

like the man two trees ahead of you.

You walk up to a row of trees

and search out the perfect round apple.

You spot one.

You carefully pull it off the branch

so you don’t knock off six other apples.

You get your apple and place it in your bag.

An apple falls and hits you on the head.

Ouch.

You have one apple.

This will be a long day if you don’t speed up.

You pick five more apples quickly,

even the ones with worm holes.

How comes these don’t look like the apples in the supermarket?

A bee buzzes around your head.

You run away from it

and slip

on a rotten apple.

You stand up quickly

and dust the grass from your jeans.

Your face is as red as the apples in your bag.

You see a family snapping pictures.

You see a couple strolling hand in hand.

You see a baby crawling in the leaves.

You don’t belong here.

You must leave.

Before you do, you take out your cell phone

and take an Instagram picture of yourself,

six times.

They all look bad.

You post the best of the worst to Facebook

to show people

how much fun you are having

at the farm of

everyone is happy except you.

You see a sign pointing to a corn maze,

that could be fun you think to yourself.

You enter the maze

filled with confidence.

You have always been told

that you have a great sense of direction.

The corn stalks surround you like a hug,

the blue sky above smiles down on you.

Right, left, left, right, right,

this is taking longer than you thought.

The sign said 20 minutes

to complete the maze,

you emerge an hour later.

Never again you say to yourself,

life is confusing enough

without vegetable mazes.

You walk to the barn to purchase

some overpriced apple cider

with a dusting of nutmeg.

You see old women

sitting at a table

selling crafts.

Everyone is walking past them

so you decide to buy something.

Do you need a shrunken apple head doll?

A crotched towel with chickens on it?

A ceramic pumpkin with a cheap vanilla candle in it?

You pay $10 for a lace apple wall hanging.

You will give it to your mom

when you take your bag of apples to her house,

so she can make you some pie

since you never want to see another apple in your life.

As you leave the barn,

you pass by the petting zoo.

It smells

and it is filled with children

and probably disease.

You keep walking,

you step in chicken poo.

Your new Payless boots are soiled.

Your scarf blows off your shoulder.

A child runs by pulling a wagon

and the wagon hits your shin.

You stumble.

Apple ciders splashes down the front of your cashmere sweater.

Your bag of apples goes flying

and pigs and goats come running to eat them.

You yell but no one cares.

Suddenly,

A man walks up to you

and says, “I’m sorry my son ruined your beautiful sweater.”

and he hands you a check.

Before you can tell him that you got it from Goodwill,

he is off chasing his child.

Maybe goodwill does exist after all

and isn’t just the name of a wonderful store.

You look at the check.

It has his name,

his phone number

And the words “Call me” at the top.

You do not see a wife

or a girlfriend in the distance.

You walk to your car

with your bag

with one apple,

an old lady craft,

a soiled sweater,

a half of cup of cider

and a smile.

Maybe this will be a season of change after all.

A Cart of Hope

Close your eyes,

take a deep breath

and imagine yourself going shopping,

grocery shopping,

Today you will have a cart of hope.

Today is the day you will

eat better

feel better

look better.

You will buy from the perimeter of the store,

not shop on an empty stomach,

have a list and coupons

and buy organic.

With your reusable shopping bags in hand

and a cart with wheels that don’t wobble,

you enter the store.

The lights are bright

and B1G1 Free neon signs assault your senses

and it smells like cake,

you are home.

Grocery day is the best day.

You pass the floral department

and gaze longingly at the fresh flowers

that are not in your budget.

When you win the lottery,

you will treat yourself to fresh begonias every week.

The produce section beckons to you,

you place organic spinach in your cart.

You smile.

Maybe you will get some radicchio too,

whatever that is,

and some broccolini,

because that sounds like cute broccoli.

The veggies are getting a fresh mist,

just like you are getting a fresh start on life.

Your doctor would be proud of you.

After you debate Russet, Sweet and Yukon Gold potatoes,

you move onto the meat department.

Bacon is on sale.

Mmmmm bacon.

No bacon you say.

Maybe low sodium?

Maybe turkey bacon?

No, that is just not the same,

you decide on chicken breasts instead.

You will make stir fry,

oh but you forgot baby corn.

Instead you will look in your 101 Ways to Cook Chicken Cookbook

and find a suitable low fat, high fiber meal.

You pick up a pack of organic

grass fed ground beef.

$9/lb., ouch.

You will make really small meatballs

to make it last longer.

You reach into your purse to get your list

and realize you left it in your pantry.

You see a stack of coupons in your purse,

no coupons for organic.

You shove them back in your purse.

Sigh.

You remember you needed milk

so you head to the dairy department.

Soy milk,

Almond milk,

Rice milk

Low fat,

Whole,

What milk are the experts recommending this week?

Your head starts to hurt.

What would Jillian Michaels do?

She would not pick up the carton of

low fat pumpkin flavored coffee creamer.

No, she would not

but you are not her.

Pumpkin, mmmmm.

You ignore the fact that it is chemical pumpkins.

You grab a small carton of 2% milk

because you don’t want to carry a jug

and make sure it doesn’t leak.

Milk mission over.

Now you are standing in front of the yogurt.

Get Greek yogurt they say,

it has protein.

What kind did you buy last time?

You liked it.

Was it the kind with granola on top?

Fruit on the bottom?

Fruit blended?

You grab and assortment of brands and flavors

and leave the yogurt section.

Dairy is stressful.

You begin wheeling your cart

but a slow person is in front of you,

A slow person that does not care that you are trying to get by

A slow person that does not hear you say, “Excuse me.”

So you say it again

but it comes out loud

and angry.

The slow person jumps.

Good job on scaring a sweet old lady

you tell yourself.

Somewhere in the store there is a kid screaming.

You want to scream.

You approach the soda aisle,

Diet Coke calls to you

but you see a girl you went to high school with

and you don’t feel like making small talk,

and you didn’t shower this morning.

You will pick up Diet Coke somewhere tomorrow.

You go to the bread aisle

No High Fructose Corn Syrup in your bread you remind yourself.

Wheat or white?

Honey wheat?

High Fiber?

12 grain is on sale

but it is messy,

and gets stuck in your teeth.

You grab the new sandwich thins

and move on with your life.

The aroma of the bakery section tempts you.

Donuts are on sale,

and fresh bread

and Little Debbies.

Oh Little Debbies,

you put some in your cart.

Shhhh….

A little treat now and then is good.

You remember you need ice cream

but the freezer section always makes you cold.

You brave the chill and grab your favorite Ben and Jerry’s

and don’t make eye contact with the frozen vegetables

staring at you.

Throughout the store you grab a few random items,

broth for the soup you will never make,

beans for the chili you might make if it cools down

and tomato sauce in a jar that makes you feel guilty

because you can't even make your own damn tomato sauce.

You want to go and pay

before your ice cream melts

but the speakers are playing a good song.

You decide to go to the deli

to get a few slices for the sandwich

you may or may not make.

Honey turkey?

Mesquite turkey?

Smoked turkey?

The deli girl is all smiles with her hairnet

waiting for your order.

You remember a pastrami sandwich recipe

you saw on Pinterest.

She is annoyed that she has to drag out the pastrami

for three measly slices.

She slams your meat on the counter

and moves on to the next customer.

Leaving the deli you see prepackaged salads.

They are for busy families.

You are busy.

The salads expire tomorrow.

You grab a few, you will eat them

because they are premade.

You head to the checkout,

people are in the express line

with more than 20 items.

Tsk tsk.

As you wait in line,

you read the tabloids.

Some star you never heard of had a baby,

the Kardashians are still around

and you can have a beach body in 5 weeks.

You have salads,

your beach body is on the way.

There is an inch of room on the belt,

you begin to unload your groceries.

A hot guy stands in line behind you,

you hide the Little Debbies

under the spinach.

Paper or plastic they ask.

Proudly you wave your reusable bags in the air.

You get 5 cents off for bringing your own bags.

The cashier asks if you have coupons,

“Oh they never have coupons for organic.” you say.

She rolls her eyes.

The total is approaching,

close your eyes,

breathe,

$146.08

ouch.

That is the price of being healthy.

They ask if you need help out to your car.

You say, “No thanks, but for that price

they should come home and unpack the food for you.”

The teenage bagging boy does not appreciate your wit.

You put the bags in the trunk

but the bag with the Little Debbies

gets to sit beside you.

Your doctor would not approve.

Soon you will go home and unpack your

eco-friendly bags of hope,

but right now, you will have a Little Debbie.

Sometimes, you have to enjoy the moment,

even if those moments

are in grocery store parking lots.

Beauty is everywhere.