Close your eyes,take a deep breath,
actually open your eyes,
it is 2 AM and
you need to work faster.
Be one with the glue gun,
focus on the felt.
The peacock costume
your daughter requested two days ago
must be finished by 8 AM
for the costume parade at school.
She picked her costume a month ago
and then changed her mind a hundred times.
Now you find yourself cutting ribbon
at the kitchen table
and fatigue is setting in.
The peacock will be finished
but it will not have a full plume of feathers.
Your teenager is going to wear a jersey
and be a football player.
Your inner crafter dies.
That is not a costume you want to say.
The baby will be adorned
in a hand me down costume
from Halloween past.
Your inner crafter is okay with that
because you have spent too much time
making your house a blend of
scary and cute.
Vases filled with wax like poison,
I mean candy corn
adorn your mantle.
You may have taken one or two from the vase
every time you walk by
and the candy corn
have now settled
nicely on your hips.
As you draped the fake spider webs
on your shrubs,
you dreaded the thought of taking them off.
Maybe you can pretend they are snow for December
or some teenagers will steal them.
The carefully carved pumpkins on your porch
and the orange garbage bags filled with leaves
will convince everyone that you love this holiday.
Having a better decorated house
than the mom across the street
is just a sweet calorie free bonus.
Thinkng about the mom across the street
that she asked you
to make party bags,
50 to be exact.
They have to be
You stuff randomly decorated
Halloween pencils that will never be sharpened,
little pumpkins filled with bubble mixture
that will spill in two seconds
and plastic spider rings that pinch your finger
into the little paper bags she
The bags remind you
that you need to find bags for trick or treating.
The baby can carry a plastic pumpkin
and people will roll their eyes
when you come to the door
asking for candy for a baby.
The peacock will use her lucky candy bag
and the teenager will use a pillowcase.
Probably one of your egyptian cotton ones.
You must hide them.
As you rest your head on your pillow
you think about how tomorrow will all play out.
After a dinner of mummy hot dogs
and eyeball soup,
the kids will be ready to head out
to collect cavity producing goodness.
Someone will get scared by the spooky music
from a casette player.
Someone will trip on a costume.
Someone will cry because they got an apple
instead of chocolate.
Someone will want to sit every few houses
and eat one treat.
Someone will yell, “Trick or treat smell my feet.”
Teenagers will run like banshees
and people will leave out buckets with a note
that reads, “Take one piece.”
The bucket will be empty by the time you get there
and a dad will be driving around in a golf cart
offering alcohol to weary parents
who are tired of wrangling hyper children
in the dark
up long driveways.
After burning all those calories
parading the streets
in reflective clothing,
you will have the risky job of
cleaning out the candy bags
and checking for poison
and razor blades in apples.
It is a dangerous job
but someone has to do it.
You will just have to be sure
to hide the evidence
which will consist of
a Kit Kat wrapper,
a Snickers wrapper,
a peanut butter cup wrapper
an empty box of Nerds,
and possibly a Tootsie Roll wrapper.
Maybe Halloween isn’t so bad afterall
you say to yourself
as you settle into bed at 3 AM.
Trick or treat,
get some sleep.